I made a decision recently to step away from something that has been a big part of my life for the last few years. I had defended keeping it in my schedule for quite a while as I got busier, but all it took was an instant to know that I would be able to let it go. I didn't waffle over it like I sometimes do, I didn't consult with multiple people and engage in lots of verbal processing like I always do. I just knew.
And so it wasn't with a conflicted or torn up heart that I went to communicate my decision to the person who most needed to know. I was very peaceful, very convinced. Sad? Yes. But not distraught. This way forward was so evident to me that the calmness I was feeling didn't surprise me. I expected her to be the one to be shocked, dismayed, teary, etc. But she wasn't. God had already prepared her heart and spirit to hear what I was going to say. And so we stood there, two completely calm and accepting people. No rivers of tears, no frustration, no feelings of disappointment (well maybe a little), no confusion. It was weird. But weird in a good way, I guess.
I had prayed for this kind of peace and understanding on both of our parts. And God answered with exactly that. But I have to admit it felt a little anticlimactic. Like there was supposed to be hurt and distress and tears and pain. Instead it just was. What a gift.
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