lessons

I'm learning the hard way that there is more danger to pride than just getting a big head. And that there is more to resolutions than just "losing weight" or "buying a car." It's way bigger than that.

Welcome, 2008. Here's hoping you're a good one.

less is more

Yesterday I experienced my first present-less Christmas with one side of extended family. I think we did okay. It didn't make a ton of sense to me that some of my cousins (whose parent had the idea not to give gifts) had tons of presents to talk about from earlier that day and then it was our extended family that had to go without gifts at all, but I think I'm over it. I'm currently typing on my best gift this year, so I really can't complain.

Overall, it was nice not to have to hurry over dinner to get to something more important, and God blessed us all with good attitudes about the stupid games we played well into the night. We also talked a little about where the money went that we gave to a charity rather than to each other and it was great to have everyone interested in that.

I'm not convinced that no gifts at all is the absolute best way to go all the time. I think that there are meaningful ways to deal with the tradition of gift giving, even when you might not know the person that you have to give one to very well. But it's true that it does become quite meaningless when gifts are given only because it is required and they're generic because the person is not known. But maybe that depends on what I get on Friday. Just kidding.

two things

(1) cool thing: the front passenger seat of my parents' cool little car which I got to drive back to homebase today has a weight sensor in it somewhere so that it knows when someone is sitting there and can therefore flash the seatbelt light if the seatbelt is not properly fastened.

(2) sad/sheepish thing: my purse was heavy enough to set this off.

yum.

Nothing like a bratwurst on a fresh roll with tons of sauerkraut and German mustard accompanied by potato pancakes with sour cream and applesauce and eaten in the great outdoors in the middle of winter to cure whatever ails ya. *big grin*

vertical (1)

Chances are that if you're reading this I have had a conversation with you in my head at some point. I do this before, during and after many interactions that I have with people, but most often before and especially after. It's a kind of daydreaming, I guess. But very one-sided and therefore unfair. I've wondered with some frequency lately, though, why I don't talk to God in these moments instead. Shifting from the horizontal to the vertical, as it were. (wow, that looks really weird when typed: "as it were." what the heck does that mean exactly?) Anyway, it is too often in these moments of internal conversation with another person that I move from the real to the ideal and into dangerous territory where I can be as self-aware and self-absorbed, and of course witty and charming and perfect, as I can possibly be. But how much better to turn instead to the one who really knows me in all my selfishness and imperfection. To take a deep breath and not over-analyze or set myself on shaky ground. Much more fair to the person with whom I interact and much more healthy for my soul and relationship with God.

yick

Why is it that, given time, space and energy to spare, I still manage to create situations in my life that breed procrastination, unpreparedness and scrambling? And why is it that someone I know and love can say "I'm tired of staying on top of things," while looking at a huge stack of ungraded tests and papers? Shouldn't all the effort be always worth it? Don't we who are now out of school secretly long for that deep and unmistakable release that we felt when we walked out of our last final for a semester? Are we just afraid that we'll never get there...get to that quite time of relaxation and rest...so we grab it when we're supposed to be doing other things that will better prepare us for what is ahead?

I did this today...the not-getting-ahead thing. And I watched myself do it, too. And now I just feel yick.

convicted

So the other day it took me--with some group support and a few specialized devices--a whopping 15 minutes to memorize an entire Psalm. Hmmm... And I keep checking myself: "Come, bless the Lord..." and yep, it's still there. And I want to find some perfect opportunity to speak these words into someone's life. I'm just busting with these words in my head and in my heart.

I'm convicted not only because of how simple the exercise of memorizing was (and granted, I might be particularly wired for word memorization...music is another story...), but also of how not that often I get excited about Scripture like this. Oh, and of how simple yet powerful it is to proclaim the Word of God using, well, the Word of God.

So, when people wonder out loud to me why I'm muttering something under my breath as I wait for the bus or stand in line at the grocery store, or walking aroud waving my hands in the air in some weird version of sign language, they might just get an earful of the very words of God. :) *grin* At least I hope. O Lord, deepen this conviction in my soul!

Bursting

Reason #1: It is gloriously sunny outside. So much so that I didn't need to even turn the heater on in my car this morning.

Reason #2: A really loud train whistle, without which, being as distracted as I was by the aforementioned sun, I would have crashed through the gates and been hit by said train. (It and I were approaching our intersection at the same time...)

Reason #3: The promise of an afternoon filled with dirty clothes becoming clean, a messy room being tidied up and space for devotions and exercise.

Reason #4: A belly full extra large Smarties :) (thanks, Sarah!)

Charge

The service I attended this evening ended with a charge before the benediction. It was:

Go forth into the world in peace;
be of good courage;
hold fast to what is good;
render to no one evil for evil;
strengthen the faint-hearted;
support the weak;
help the afflicted;
honor all people;
love and serve the Lord, rejoicing in the power of the Spirit.

Notice that it is not prefaced with, "this is for those of you who are feeling completely emotionally put together and totally content with all areas of your life." Or "only if you are hearty, strong, and not afflicted."

I'm learning more and more these days that humility levels the playing field, and so does the charge quoted above. It doesn't really matter how I'm feeling; that charge was to me. Maybe I think I'm exempt because I feel more like receiving other people's response, but my ears and my heart heard the same words they did. I have to do it too.

My heart heard this version:

Go forth, even if you feel like sitting;
be of good courage, even if you think you don't have any;
render to no one evil, even if you think they deserve it;
strengthen the faint-hearted out of your own faint-heartedness;
support the weak in spite of your own weaknesses;
help the afflicted instead of dwelling on your own affliction;
honor all people (yes, all people);
love and serve the Lord, rejoicing in the power of the Spirit, because that is the only way you're going to be able to do any of it.

Amen.

big britches

I was reminded this evening of a phrase I heard once that I liked and wanted to hold on to, knowing that it would be appropriate to consider from time to time. It goes like this:

"Being a leader is like being a lady; if you have to tell someone you are, you probably aren't."

Last night, at the first of the two identical events in which I participated this weekend, I got a little too close to the "tell people I'm a leader" than I should have. In the past I have been in a leadership role at this event, but I haven't seemed to figure out how to reprogram myself when at the same event but not officially in charge of anything. I saw things that needed to happen, and barged ahead. Now, the stuff needed to be done, for sure. But it probably didn't have to be done by me. So tonight I sat on my hands. I had been asked to do a few things, so I did them, but otherwise I tried to stay out if it. This is hard for me.

The other thing that happened for me tonight was that the venue in which the aforementioned event took place, and in some ways the event itself, lost some of its "big time" luster and sparkle in my mind. I used to think that the whole thing was pretty big stuff, but tonight I realized that it's really not. Okay, so it was a performance of the Messiah. But as some of the spectacle began to fade in the face of missed orchestra cues, a warbly soloist, and choir members that sometimes spaced out in the middle of a song (oops!), and as I got a little sad about that, something else happened that I grew to be okay with. The texts jumped out. Espeically the truth of it all. We were singing (preaching really) about something cosmically true and important. And boy does it not matter all that much if something goes a little wrong. Who cares if a critic is right about some of what didn't go well? Why does it matter if the soloists don't get called back onto the stage by thunderous applause? There was ultimate truth about the Savior of the world that we were proclaiming. That's what matters. And I hope more people in the room than just me caught that.